Distance Makes The Heart Grow Stronger
My husband has been so patient with my busy schedules-all work, no play. This last week he’s missed me more than usual. Last night he couldn’t keep his hands off me (no, not sexually. Well, sexually also but what I mean is he kept grabbing my hand, rubbing my back and kissing me). He kept saying, “I’m so glad your home”, “I miss you” and “I’m glad you’re with me”. Not to mention his father in the hospital, I need to be home with him more than anything.
Today he called in for today and tomorrow so that he can be with me and we can help his mom out.
The thing about us is that it’s not that one of us is thousands of miles away, neither of us travel for a long amount of time or at a ridiculous distance. So to be in the same town and live in the same house and still not being able to see each other is frustrating. Now we have the next couple of days all together and we’re so googly eyed and giggly. This is how I know all of our hard work pays off.
I feel terrible for all the ups and downs we’ve had lately. Things keep coming up with school and then little things like our vehicles and our basement flooding. He’s been way stronger than me as of late. Usually he’s the first to break, using his anger as a coping mechanism which is probably the worst possible way to handle these situations. Not directly towards me but it certainly feels that way when you yourself are having a difficult time. But not recently, recently I’ve broken down into tears at all the stress I’m enduring and he has stayed tall as a tree and hard as a rock. I’m so proud of him. This morning, as I was dead asleep after last night’s night shift, he came into the bedroom and told me all the things that need done before I go back to work tonight. Normally I’d be so irritated because of how exhausted I am and how crazy it is for me to be awake during that time. But his words put me at ease.
“Honey, I’m so sorry but I work all day and can’t get these things done. I know you’re tired and I hate asking you to finish them because you really shouldn’t have to but they have to get done. I wish I could stay home and take care of it. Believe me I would. Could you please just try and finish what you can. I’ll take care of the rest.”
Done. He worked his butt off last night with this mess of an old house. He deserves my help, even if I’ve been like shattered glass lately. How can you even complain about someone who has tried so hard?! Two days ago, I wouldn’t say this, as he let his anger get the best of him in a stressful situation. But, today and all last night he made up for that times infinity and I have not one complaint. Not to mention the fact that he recognizes this and improves every day!
There are forces working against me to make sure I am one broke chick.
College- loan didn’t cover all of my bill.
Home- basement flooded to our shins so we need a new sump pump.
Car- need new tires on the car and truck, my oxygen thingy needs replaced which is $400!!!
I mean, come on.
In other (good) news I’m working my butt off but it will be totally worth it. I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time swimming and we have such big plans for the next couple of years. So take that bad luck!
Oh yesterday. You guys, it was a roller coaster.
School has always been a stressful mess, especially how unorganized our financial aid office is. Right after class I had an issue with them and it immediately turned into me balling my eyes out and stressing beyond belief. I called Scott at work and explained to him what was going on and he told me to stay calm and he’d be home in a half hour to figure it out. We drove around and talked and he explained to me what to do (having been through all this, he knows a lot better than I do). In the end everything panned out okay and I felt so silly. He gave me a kiss and told me that when things like this happen, it’s very important for both of us to stay strong. So, after he left, I went for a workout.
When I got back from work that night he took me to dinner to make me feel better!
We even got a surprise and saw his brother and his fiance out! It was so fun and I felt like I had a life outside of work and school for a change.
We watched a movie together before bed (which I’m regretting now that I’m this exhausted). But when we got ready for bed we heard a crash. Scott took his gun and flashlight outside for an investigation. There’s always some crazy weird thing happening around here. Luckily, nothing was lurking outside. This has always been one of my favorite things about being married to him, I’ve always felt so safe and so protected. Yesterday definitely turned around by the end of the day.
Thank you God for this man!
Me: Is it humanly impossible for you to place the right color laundry in the right basket?
Me: When they're already all separated?
Husband: And you don't have to be so snippy about it.
Me: K, sorry. Love you.
I always try to catch Scotty doing hilarious things on camera and miss it. So I then try to recreate it and it just isn’t the same. Fail.
BBQ Pros and Cons
So I’m trying to decide if I want to do a lunch/daytime bbq with our friends and family on the 4th. Since I work that night at 7 and won’t get to be with everyone, I thought it would be nice to have everyone over during the day. The thing is, I always say I want this and then something happens that makes me seriously regret it.
- I’ll get to see all my family and friends.
- Delicious food.
- I don’t have to leave my house and worry about when I need to leave in order to get ready for work.
- I can change if I get too hot.
- I can finally invite my neighbors.
- We can invite who we want.
- There’s more room in our house than anyone else’s.
- I can make healthier versions if need be.
- We can’t not invite my brother-in-law and his wife.
- We would have to buy most of the food and drinks (if not all).
- We would have to borrow dad’s grill.
- We would have to do all the yard work before that day.
- I have to find time to do some extreme cleaning.
- I don’t know who all will stay and for how long after I leave.
- The clean up afterward.
Well, one less con. Unless of course my mind wonders all night and I add on to both lists continuously…
The thing about being our age, married and homeowners. People expect us to do more than we do. We have our own home at our age, why don’t we have more parties? We never go anywhere (because we’re so busy) but we never invite people over. Well, I’m usually too tired to prepare and cook for a group of people, not to mention to clean my house. Plus, if only you knew our family.
What Scotty calls “Mexican time” is if you tell his family 2 pm, they will be there around 3:30-4 pm.
What I call “Chammorro time” is if you tell my mom’s side 2 pm, it’s time to eat at 1 pm. “We’ve already started, where are you?”
Squirrel vs Man
My husband literally believes that the squirrel living in a tree outside the house has something against him. The other day they spent about 20 minutes eyeing each other while my husband shouted “what you little bastard?!” I stared at him like he was crazy.
Today, we walked outside on our way to the car and there he was. Naturally, we frightened him and he stood frozen staring at us blocking us from the car. My husband, “I’m not doing this again with you, you little A-hole.” And to me he says, “I don’t get what he wants.”
Lmao honey, I think he’s just being a squirrel…
People will discourage you, they will hurt you and take advantage of you. But you know what? People will surprise you. They will share love and make you feel something happy. They will remind you why life is more precious than it is not and that’s something to hold on to.
I’ve had my share of sucky people, we all have and today I’ve experienced them times two. But I still have faith in humanity. Because sometimes things are just hard…for everyone. So,
I forgive you family that totally screwed me at work tonight.
I forgive you patient who tried to hit me square in the face.
I forgive you ex friend who hides her true colors.
I forgive you brother-in-law for hurting me, over and over again.
And I apologize to my husband for my overreaction today and forgive him for his words when I did. And I’m extremely thankful that we have the hearts and strength to let down our walls and apologize to one another so our night can return to cuddles on the couch.
Day time naps with my husband are the best!
I wish they could happen more often.
My Friday (aka Thursday)
This morning when I came home after class the first thing I smelt was my husband’s cologne. I instantly began missing him all over again. Then he surprised me when he came in to say goodbye and kiss me. He got a bonus at work today and used it on me. The weird thing about me is that my husband basically has to beg me to go shopping for myself. I hate spending money, I mean, I hate it. But my wardrobe was slowly dwindling down and I was running out of cute outfits, especially after losing weight. After about ten minutes of him talking me into it, I caved and had a shopping spree today!
After lunch we headed to the mall and spent basically the entire day shopping and being kids.
I made healthy, lettuce wrapped tacos that were delicious and we watched Safe Haven…I should have read the book first I think. I can tell without even reading it that it was probably way better, way more detailed. But, that doesn’t mean I didn’t love it.
And after a workout at the gym and a nice, warm shower. It’s going to be a nice night in with my honey.
DOTYM: On Fighting With Your Spouse
“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” -unkown
My husband and I have grown in our marriage, so much so that the above quote is one I think we’ve come to agree with the most. We have greatly improved when it comes to this aspect of a relationship. It doesn’t mean we’ve perfected some art or that we’re better people because of it but I do think that it is a contributing factor in our happiness. Three words, three words are involved: Forgiveness, Submission and Compassion.
Confession/Honesty time: My biggest mistake is belittling my husband. I’m so ashamed actually saying it but I’m proud to say that this is no longer a mistake I make. When we argue or fight I get so angry and I would love nothing more than to have the strength of hercules and throw him out of my sight so I use my words in the worst ways and I make him feel about yay big (you get the idea). When he yells or sounds absurd (in my eyes), I laugh at him, smirk at him and/or tell him he looks ridiculous. Does it work? Sometimes but it’s not something I’m proud of. Men hate to feel any less than they are, smaller or without power and I took a lot of pride and strength from him by doing this.
When I realized this, I felt so terrible. Afterward (even if I “won”) I felt so dissatisfied. The best word I can use to describe how I felt about myself is disgusted. I’m not that sort of person and the last thing I want is to hurt the person I love most.
My Husband? He used fear. He would get extremely loud and close. I’m not sure if when he did this he thought he’d accomplish something, I think it was just his way of letting out anger. He slams doors and hits the wall. He growls and curses more than ever. Did it work? Yes. I would feel so taken back and sometimes frightened. I would cry almost immediately just because of his tone. But thankfully, my husband is no longer this man. I remember one night, after a really terrible fight, he began crying. “I hate seeing someone I love so much fearful of me, it makes me hate who I become in those moments. I’m sick from it all.” I’m not sure what went through his head that whole night but he improved.
As of today we talk a lot more and fight a lot less. I remember the time things really turned around. We were in separate rooms, angry and silent which is the worst! And somehow, some way, I swallowed my pride. I went into the bedroom (where he was) sat down and apologized. I sucked up every bit of pride I had so I could recognize that this man is my husband, not my punching bag and it was not feeling good being angry with him.
When you fight with your spouse, most likely your mind is clouded by anger and you want nothing more than for them to just get it. But what you say and how you say it changes everything. If there is something in particular that you want them to improve on them, talk about it.
“Honey, it hurts most when you yell and scream. You make me feel like a child and it scares me.”
“It hurts me when you belittle me and make me feel stupid. It makes me fell like I’m not good enough.”
And don’t be this person:
“I don’t do that but I will continue not to do that.”
Submission is important (and no, I don’t mean all women submit to your husbands). What I mean is sometimes, it’s not worth the heart ache and tears. Sometimes it’s up to you to just say your sorry. When both of you calm down, that is the best moment for you to talk about your differences. Choose your battles, most likely this little fight is so much smaller in the grand scheme of things.
- A Wife.
Deciding where to take our vacation in 7 MONTHS!
Why? Because planning is everything. I’d seriously lose my mind if another good thing fell through because of random mishaps.
We currently have these things in mind:
- New Orleans, LA
- San Antonio, TX
Yeah…those are our only two ideas. We want to stay in the US, for those of you wondering and I prefer somewhere with a beach. I’d like to go back to Cali but right now, we’re wanting something different.
Help me by giving me ideas of where to go and why, with reviews, descriptions and what you loved most about that place!
Diary of the Young and Married: Juggling Life
“I don’t know how you do it.” Yeah, I get that a lot. People ask me where I work or how I stay fit or if I’m a student. When I have to say I do all of these things, people think I’m (1) crazy or (2) they feel bad for me. I like being a busy body! I like working. I don’t like school but it’s a necessary evil.
I’ve learned to get my priorities in order and time manage the heck out of my days. I’m serious, I was terrible at time management when I first married my husband but now, I can say I’m a lot better. I think the hardest thing about having married at 18 (now I’m 22) is the lack of funds and college. We have to work extra hard to build the life that we want for our family, our future children and ourselves. My husband worked two jobs and went to school when we first married. At least one of us has worked two jobs most of our marriage but we more than manage. Our health is a priority as well so sleep is important, which means we take advantage of the opportunity! My Husband works during the day while I’m in school. I usually have a few hours after school before working the evening shift at the restaurant and then 7 pm to 7 am at the hospital. It sounds more horrible than it actually is. Although, some days even I feel like it’s a lot of work. But it’s about knowing how much is too much, no one knows your body like you do. I schedule my days in a way that it all spaces out. And when my husband and I have days off together, we try to incorporate some healthy activities like walking the dog, or going for a swim.
The other day at the restaurant my boss (the owner) asked me about working two jobs and going to school and taking care of a husband. She told me “I’m so proud of you, I wish more young people could do this. My husband and I started out this way and now we have all the things we ever wanted. We can afford our life now because we worked hard for it.” This made me feel so good. A lot of people don’t notice the hard work, they don’t realize that all of it pays off in the end.
It’s a juggling act but it’s so worth it!
Operation “Get Better Before Work Tonight” is in full swing.
Sore throat worse.
Voice is gone.
I don’t know about you but this month is for sickness in this house.
Husband came home on his break with liquid [children’s] ibuprofin (since I can swallow pills) and some cough drops. I’ve parked my big butt on the recliner and glued myself to the internet instead of going out and doing the one million things I would have liked to do. Plus, I refuse to talk because my vocal chords need healing, I sound like a 13 year old boy hitting puberty.
can’t shouldn’t won’t miss work tonight so I’m in the quick healing process while husband is at work. Thank God for that man. I think I’m about to whip up some soothing hot lemon tea. If ya’ll have any other suggestions, bring them on. I have work at 7 pm and it’s 1:15 pm. I need some fast acting remedies!