Diary of the Young and Married

I often get asked questions on my decision to marry young and I try to rack up an answer in my brain other than the fact that we were in love and ready. I mean isn’t it the same reason I would marry someone if I was 50? Because we’re in love? And then today I found this blog and the story of this young couple and I thought, duh, I don’t have to justify my choice to get married just because I did it at a younger age. 

I’ve never gone to my mother about marital issues because marriage didn’t work for her. She was pregnant with me at seventeen so she married my father. They were in love but they weren’t ready for such big steps when they hardly knew what it meant to be grown ups. At the University if I tell someone I married at eighteen they think it must be either because we had a child together or because he’s in the army. Neither of these are the case. We were in love and so we married, we still do not have children and we own a beautiful home and work our butts off to not have our bank account go into the negatives. On top of that, I’m still going to school and you know what? We love our life together. We have a strong marriage, on that my own mother tells me she envies, one that I can be proud of. I can honestly say that I have no regrets and I still love him more every day, we flirt like we did when we were dating and we talk to each other about everything. 

I also found this article and thought how crazy is it that so many people have these negatives ideas about young marriage? It must be only because they focus more on the negative stories than the positive ones. Why does this society want us to believe such horrible things about such a beautiful lifestyle? 

In Defense of Marrying Young

Don’t you see? Happiness is what it’s all about and for some reason we so often look over the possibilities and the facts that happiness in marriage exists! 

When Scott and I met I was 16 and he was almost 20. We started dating and at age eighteen I married him, it was our two year anniversary. I married at eighteen and here, at age 21, I am still as happy if not more so than I was when we married. I feel so confident in my marriage and not because of the naive belief that “we’re in love so everything will work itself out” but because we work hard at our marriage. We recognize that it isn’t always rainbows and butterflies but that there are rough roads ahead and obstacles we’ve already hurdled with more to come. We work things out through discussing them, facing troubles head on and we admit that marriage is hard work, but it’s worth it. Every single minute we spend together is time to cherish. We don’t stay angry for days on end, we don’t sweat the small petty stuff and we certainly don’t let the little things get in the way of the much more important things. We’ve seen many times together (one of the joys of marrying young). We’ve experienced school, life-altering decisions, family quarrels, weakest points and strongest points, changes of the heart and changes of the mind. We still have so much more to experience together, I could never imagine throwing something so beautiful away. I’m driven and so is my husband, thus our marriage is something we focus on first. 

I don’t have to justify why I married my husband and I certainly don’t have to justify why I did so at eighteen. I love him and he loves me. There is nothing more to it. 

I am so, so blessed and so are all of you. 

- A Wife. 

Diary of the Young and Married: Apologies

I’m usually the one guilty of this. I jump to conclusions and act like a complete brat then realize how silly I was being later. Last night, all day yesterday was perfect. We were being silly, sweet and playful. Night time came and I was showing my sexiest side, finally having a whole night together. I was ready to retreat to the bedroom and somehow, at some point he was angry…out of no where. I was so confused and embarrassed for being in my underwear during this whole situation. Everything made me feel uncomfortable and it made me cry because I still had absolutely no idea what had happened. 

After some tears and both laying in a bed of silent tension, he walked out for a glass of water and when he returned he was in tears as well. He started talking, he said he was so sorry, that he doesn’t know why he does what he does. He read to much into a comment I had made and thought that I had meant something I didn’t. He was just missing me and needing that extra attention and so he go angry, or frustrated. He was in tears because he had hurt my feelings and for nothing. He was disappointed in himself for causing a good night to go bad. He was so, so sorry and I felt for him. He kept repeating, “why do I do this? Why do I mess up only the best nights?” I didn’t feel that way so I tried to hold onto him and show him he was forgiven. Sometimes being as busy we are, the distance gets to us and we start to push at each other. We just needed something to wake us both up and, he still felt guilty but we made love and showed one another that it was behind us. 

I love this about us. That we’re so honest with one another and so great at communicating and fixing damaged moments. We’re both good at admitting to our faults and apologizing. I think that this is such a large part in how things work out as well as they do for us. It’s definitely one of our greatest attributes as a couple. A lot of couples lack this aspect and use denial and pride to get in the way but this…this is one of the things we are best at. I think it’s really what makes us so perfect. 

Of course, these are my own ideas and everyone has that thing that makes them better. I’m proud of us for this, though. I always will be. 

-A Wife.

Diary of The Young and Married: What We Think Matters.

Last year the Huffington Post issued this article by Jennifer Nagy, “Why I Believe Marriage Shouldn’t Be Allowed Before Age 25”. Well, she opened a doorway so let me just step on in. Her first point is this:

I was enjoying the freedom of drinking and partying legally for the first time (I live in Canada where the drinking age is 19). I had yet to figure out who I was or what I wanted in my life. I was naïve and impressionable, and when I met my much older ex, I was perfectly happy to let him take control of my life, creating a relationship dynamic that continued for the nine years we were together.

Well there is your first problem right there! You never go into marriage unknowing and with such a naive attitude, nor do allow someone else to take on complete control of your life. Especially when a marriage, or relationship of any kind, is 50/50 and supposed to make you a better person. You obviously weren’t mature enough to start such a journey and your maturity and your age group are two different things. Although, yes, maturity comes with age but when you allow yourself to mature, it can come a lot quicker for some people. She then states:

 he was marrying someone who had absolutely no idea who she was and what she wanted in her life. In short, it was a recipe for divorce.

Again, let me stop you right there. Not knowing who you are or what you want in life is not only a problem of younger people but society as a whole. What we want in life is, for the most part, a constant change. Especially in the world in which we live today. Our ideas, values and goals change everyday and, for me that’s half the fun of sharing my life with someone. You see, we’ve grown together, changed together and guided each other in the right directions. She says that people under the age of 25 are still discovering themselves and, well, so are people over the age of 25. Women and Men in their 30’s or 40’s make life altering decisions because of a change of heart, it’s about the person you married and if their willing to accept you for whatever you decide to do because that’s what they promised. Changing isn’t bad and it isn’t an excuse either! And then she says this, 

Who knows? Maybe there are 20-year-olds that get married and stay madly in love for their whole lives. Maybe puppy love can last forever.

Could be. Maybe there is such things as fairies and unicorns too.

Just saying…

Hm, silently and calming holding myself together for this one. You’re bitter and I get that, you married someone much older and weren’t ready to do so. You didn’t have half the mind you should going into a marriage but, my dear, that is your problem. The fact that you want it to be ILLEGAL is hilarious to me. When anyone makes a mistake they automatically blame someone or something for that mistake. You’re age is not why you divorced, it’s because the two of you couldn’t handle such a big commitment. It’s because you were unprepared to take on a role as a wife and he was unprepared to take on the role of a husband. Fairies and Unicorns? Well, if you believe in that stuff then fine. I, personally, have faith in marriages that are more than living together forever and dealing with one another. I believe in a marriage where to people love each other, change together and continuously work at their marriage to keep it alive and forever growing. 

Okay, so maybe I’m the bitter one now. Maybe I read something I didn’t liked and used my own experience to debate the topic. Well, I’m still happily married and I won’t let someone else tell me I can’t be because I’m younger. So thanks Fox News for then saying, this, “Get Real, Getting Married Before 25 is not Too Young”.

I mean, these people are so right. Her “factual statements” are nothing but bitter sounds of failure and, I’m sorry, but I refuse to lose faith my fellow young and married couples. 

-A Wife. 

both of us: We sure do. We have our time on our own and with our friends and it is very important to have that in a relationship! A lot of couples begin to feel trapped and lonely when they don’t give themselves that time away. Also, it allows the two of you to appreciate one another more. Spending your time together is great but it’s so important to not lose your individualism and also to talk things out with your friends. It’s a necessity. 
Pop-upView Separately

both of us: We sure do. We have our time on our own and with our friends and it is very important to have that in a relationship! A lot of couples begin to feel trapped and lonely when they don’t give themselves that time away. Also, it allows the two of you to appreciate one another more. Spending your time together is great but it’s so important to not lose your individualism and also to talk things out with your friends. It’s a necessity.