Diary of the Young and Married
When we were engaged we attended meetings with a couple, it was our “pre-marital counseling” and it wasn’t like I thought it would be. You see, the church we married is the church my mother-in-law attends. It’s a Catholic church and since I’m not Catholic, it’s one of the requirements that we are set up with a Catholic couple to give us insight and set an example for us. I didn’t think I’d like it, I was a little frustrated at first but then I met this couple and Husband and I immediately fell in love with the whole situation. We grew close to this couple in the short amount of weeks we were there and I can honestly say that we’ve learned things from them. Not because of the things they had us read or the things they told us are important or aren’t important but because of what we seen in them by watching their relationship and their family.
I always told myself that I wanted a relationship like my grandparents, and then like my husband’s parents but then I realized that no couple is perfect and that’s when I decided I wanted to be like we are, to have a marriage that is different than everyone else’s, to have a marriage of our own. I’ve learned that we create our own path. I love the life we’ve created together and for our future children.
I could give you all the advice I’ve gotten or that I’ve come to know but that wouldn’t help your marriage succeed and would help you to know what’s right or wrong for your relationship. You learn by doing and experiencing things together. The truth is, advice is helpful but not a life saver, it doesn’t make the problems go away but it gives us all a clue as to what to do in any given situation. Your marriage is where it is because of you and your spouse. So, if I could tell you anything that would help in any situation, any kind of advice I could give that will always be useful, I give you these three words.
So far these things have worked wonders in my life, I hope they work wonders in yours.
The Law of Attraction
I want to know what you guys think. Are you familiar with this concept? Is this something that you practice?
At work (I’m not sure how it came up) but I started to explain that throughout the day or when I’m laying in bed, when I’m driving or when I’m in class I daydream. I called it day dream but truth is that I literally “act” out a situation I wish to happen. When I say that I “act” it out what I mean is that I imagine the details of something I want, like my future career. I talk to myself as if the situation was actually happening, working out the situation, what I would do and how I would respond. I told my co-worker that I know I’m a little weird but I do it all the time.
“You aren’t weird, we’re supposed to do that,” she said. Thus, sending my world into a whirlwind. She explained it like this.
“It’s called the law of attraction. The goal is to have your dreams come true, within means that is. You imagine something, really imagine it, in detail and with all your strength. It’s something that you truly want to come true, like a job or a house, and your chances of receiving these blessings come with the use of this exercise but also with daily gratitude. Thank God everyday for all the things you appreciate in that day, spend a couple hours a day doing that. There’s a book on this, Oprah talked about it too, the book is called Power.”
Oh, so I’m not nuts? I’ve been looking up information on this and wondering exactly what it means. It can’t be that simple, it doesn’t happen to everyone all the time, does it? I can’t believe I’ve never heard of it before but now I don’t know what to believe. I mean, what this sounds like to me is just wanting something bad enough that you work for it and it eventually happens for you but my co-worker says that it actually opens up new opportunities for you. Maybe you imagine getting money but it can come to happen in different ways, maybe you dream up your house but you get some version of it. A lot of the time we don’t realize when it’s even happened. What does all this mean? Opinions?
And this: I’m going to Vegas in December.
Any super cute Vegas attire you guys could suggestion that’s winter appropriate?
learn to love
As a couple, no one knows your relationship like you do. As humans, we naturally focus on the bad. Don’t ask me why this is but it’s harder to see the good because we react so harshly to the bad. When you talk to people it’s so easy to vent and we almost always forget to gush about all the good things our partners have to offer, leaving room for so much judgement. When all person hears are bad things, they have bad thoughts of that person. It’s a tough world at their guys, sorry to say. With that being said, we are all aware of the flaws within our marriages. Our fighting can sometimes get so intense that all you want to do is leave the scene of the crime and let’s just face it, admission to wrong doing is not our strong suit. Have we forgotten submission completely (no, I’m not talking women submitting to men, I’m talking couples submitting to each other)? Many of you have heard my rant on this before. We have all become so bull-headed. Blinded by anger we forget how much we love each other all the other days. Husband and I have gotten so good and have been catching ourselves and apologizing, almost immediately. We, of course, have our days but they are more rare.
This morning, Husband was angry because my phone alarm was going off non-stop while I was showering and he had no clue how to shut it off. He came into the bathroom and through a mini fit about it and went back to bed after I shut it off. I left him a “have a good day” sticky note on the table (like I do almost every morning) and wrote that I was sorry for waking him up. He later texted me, “I was a cranky a**hole this morning…I’m sorry for being a dick.” (excuse his obscene language) He and I have been doing so well with this.
When you take the time to correct you’re wrong doing, it doesn’t mean you’ll be forgiven right away but it can definitely save you a lot of unnecessary bickering. They say to pick your battles, now, I don’t know who ‘they’ are but ‘they’ are right. There are things worth fighting for and an alarm clock in the early hours isn’t worth it. Find things in your Husband/significant other that you couldn’t live without and compare it to a list of things that drive you crazy. Communication is important and it’s time you all sat down and talked it out, changing together makes everything better and draws you closer. Example:
Honey, we need to find a new way to get through these kinds of moments, it’s just not healthy for us to lash out at one another.
Using terms of endearment can really lighten a situation, also moving in closer and talking in a soft voice. This will calm an argument and turn it into a discussion. Being adults means that you should be able to talk out your problems and handle your actions together, responsibly. Shower your partner with love, everyday compliment he/she at least once. Making them feel better about themselves can also put them in a happier place and their overall attitude will change. The little things you can do to fix the situation are so simple and yet we constantly forget about them. We are of critical nature and our selfishness gets the best of us more often than not. Discipline yourself to better your relationship with others.
justalittlesheep- “Your opinion on living together before marriage?”
Any other questions for us?
Diary of the Young and Married
When we fight: I am usually the last one to admit my mistakes. We yell…loudly. I usually end up crying (He’s the first guy that has really been able to do that to me.) I always want to get away. He always growls of frustration. We always both feel really stupid after, even if it was worth it.
When we’re alone: There is a lot of play. We tickle and laugh. We watch movies and almost always end up renting stupid low budget films. We cook together and have in depth, meaningful conversations about nothing and about everything. We love on one another.
When we’re bored: We go on walks and/or drives. We visit family almost every free day we get. We sometimes just nap a lot because of our busy work schedules. We do a lot of things married couples do ;)
When he makes me mad: “Really? Just stop because you’re just annoying me.”
When I make him mad: “I can never catch a break can I?!”
Our plans: Getting our careers in gear and making babies. Building our dream home in a few years and being comfortable financially.
My sister and I will finally be posting another video onto A Lady’s Opinion. Please go to aladysopinion.tumblr.com and ask us whatever you’d like to know, and or tell us what you want to hear about.
Marriage Tip Tuesday
After long days and nights of work, sleep is a must have, give your partner time to relax.